I have BPD, but have split off the unacceptable parts of myself (i.e., the rage, sexual urges, neediness, abandonment stuff) and repressed them totally by eating compulsively and 'cutting off' (just not being there). Over the last few years these unacceptable parts of myself have taken on an identity of their own. She is a separate person with a name, and I have no control over her behaviour when she acts out. I have successfully repressed her over the last few years by eating etc, but 3 months ago I was prescribed medication to stop my compulsive eating. Once the eating stopped, I could feel her coming back and one day she turned up to my therapy appointment, tried to seduce my therapist in a very aggressive manner and when he set a boundary and said no, she stormed out, found out where he lived and started posting hate mail through his door. He has, understandably, had to abruptly terminate our 5 year therapeutic relationship for the safety of us both and has referred me for psychiatric evaluation. He is continuing to support me over the phone and is adamant that the only way forward is for me and the other person inside me to integrate -something I think will destroy me (and she's not too keen on the idea either). I am currently waiting for my appointment for psychiatric evaluation and trying to deal with all the grief and loss issues around the termination of my therapy, while my 'evil twin' rages about desperately trying to avoid all the abandonment stuff this has triggered in her by acting out all over the place (God I hate her neediness). What I want to know is whether you have ever encountered this situation in a BPD patient before (the splitting into two people, both of whom are aware of the other but have no control over the other) and what do you think will be the outcome of my assessment (which may take forever, knowing how slowly the British National Health Service works).
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