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Ask Dr. Dombeck
Psychotherapy and Mental Health Questions

What Abuse Looks Like

My husband and I were married almost 6 mths ago and he has been acting very different. I know he has problems, but I am not sure if they would be considered a psychological disorder. Here are his symptoms: anger!, rage, secrecy (about everything, including $ - I have an allowance of $20 a week), mood swings, questions about me being faithful(as God is my witness I have never given him any reason nor have done anything to lead him to believe this!!!), does not touch me, is nice one week and tells me he loves me-the next he hates me and tells me to get out and leave, won't hug or kiss me because he says I am unattractive-the next week he is all over me, controlling, possessive, then he goes into another mood swing where he doesn't care where I go or what I do, goes behind my back and puts me down to my family, does not remember things correctly, his way is the only right way-if I don't read his mind and do things his way or at his time he wants a divorce,will not talk at all to me for 3 or 4 days-then he acts like nothing is wrong, gets mad over little things such as putting the dishes in the dishwasher instead of asking him to do it and a month before screaming and throwing things at me for not doing it when I was home only about 2 hrs, having very contradictory notions about things and always coming up with stupid little ideas in his head-eg: I am a drama queen, I won't allow myself to be happy, I don't ask him to do anything, I don't do anything-he does it all, talking about him to people behind his back, not being happy-being too happy. The list goes on and on. I have tried dressing up but I'm still not attractive because my hair is ugly. I'm not pretty inside. He says he cannot hug or kiss me because he is not attracted to me. The reasons I listed above are the ones he uses. First physical, then emotional. I try to keep my mouth shut when he is angry or irritated. I really never know when I can open my mouth or just not to say anything. I apologize for such a long letter, but I wanted you to have as much info as possible. The more you know the better you can help me. I would greatly appreciate a response. I just need to know if it is a disease or maybe a chemical imbalance. The first step is to find out if there is medicine that he needs. I promise you that I don't say too much to him. Of course I tell him where I go and what I do, but things like this-NO! That would only be asking for trouble. He has only hit me one time on the arm and has grabbed me a few times, but no physical abuse.



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